Exceptional Woman or Stupid Fucking Dyke?
Yesterday I attended the Exceptional Women Awards banquet. I was there because I was deemed an "exceptional woman" by this amazing weekly radio show by the same name. I had the honor of being interviewed by Gay Vernon for the show on March 5, 2008. I received this honor for my film, Commit to the Line.
When I found myself at the awards banquet yesterday, each "exceptional woman" was introduced and I was astounded and awed by the company in which I found myself. It could not have been more moving or overwhelming to hear the stories of the honorees. I found it difficult to keep myself together and really just wanted to openly bawl, not just cry a bit, but bawl right out loud. It was especially difficult to hear the cancer stories (Peg Feodoroff, who came up with clothing to replace the horrible jonnies for cancer patients; in addition to being a survivor, she lost her sister to cancer) and the stories of humanity (Ophelia Dahl who helped found Partners in Health to get basic modern medical services to third world countries; Brecken Chinn Schwartz who came upon a little girl covered in third degree burns in China and brought her to the US for medical help). It was overwhelming and it also fired the synapses that connect to the experiences I had as a cancer patient, which I work so hard to keep buried.
This morning, I woke up and, with a little help from Milissa, had a good cry. I was having visceral memories of the time I spent as a cancer patient, helpless and confined and fearing the degeneration that would happen before my death. I cannot tolerate these feelings or these memories, so I keep them buried as much as possible. But, being at that banquet really brought them to the surface and today I could not longer keep them down.
Milissa encouraged me to go for a bike ride. Embracing my physical self helps and mountain biking is the way that I do this. I went to the Fells and started off on a ride. I was buried deep in my own thoughts and pedaling. I came upon a couple who were making their way up a rocky incline. The male was behind the female and he saw me and got off the trail. I passed him and then caught up to the woman. She was having a lot of trouble and I did not want to disturb her concentration, so I slowed down, pedaling slowly behind her. I thought about shouting an "on your left" and going around, but this seemed like a bad idea as she was not able to keep her bike on any sort of line. So, I was content to pedal slowly behind her. Shortly, she skidded and stopped, catching herself with her right foot. I gently passed on the left and kept going, thinking nothing of it.
About five minutes later, I was riding on a fire road when someone pedaled up quickly beside me and shouted, "hey."
He seemed to try to ride his bike in front of mine to stop me. I stopped. He immediately began shouting at me. He was the guy from the couple I passed on the rocky incline.
"What is wrong with you? Do you even know what this is about? Do you know the rules? That was my girlfriend that you passed back there and you didn't even apologize. You just kept right on going. You almost gave her a heart attack. Why didn't you say anything? What is wrong with you?"
He ranted and raved and I simply looked at him. Finally he stopped and asked, "Are you even going to say anything?"
"In my experience, there are usually at least two sides to every story," I replied calmly.
"Oh, yeah, well, what's your side?"
"I was pedaling slowly behind your girlfriend, she skidded and stopped and I pedaled around her."
"That's not right. Don't you know anything about this sport? If you rear-end someone on the road, do you just keep going?"
I noticed that he was riding a rental bike. "I didn't rear-end her."
"She's just learning. You owe her an apology. How do you expect her to learn if you act like that? You have two choices here. You can wait here, probably she'll be along in about ten minutes, and then you can apologize, or you can just keep on riding."
I moved my bike to go around him and said, "I will keep going."
He tried to block me and shouted more, "You owe her an apology. This isn't how you're supposed to act."
"I did not realize that you were the Mountain Bike Morality Police," I said, "but I still think I'll keep going."
I moved my bicycle and pedaled away. He shouted, "You Stupid Fucking Dyke."
I slowed down and turned and said, "Stupid fucking dyke, huh? That's awesome. You are truly amazing."
I rode away. He shouted something else that I could not hear. I spent the rest of my ride thinking about this and wondering why he was so indignant. I am respectful of other cyclists on the trail. I passed three other guys today who were having mechanical problems and, each time, I stopped and offered help.
I did consider saying something to the guy's girlfriend (not an apology, but just a heads up), but I didn't want to startle her. Instead, I pedaled slowly behind her until I had an opportunity to pass. Why would that require an apology? Why was he so angry? And, why does any of this make me a "Stupid Fucking Dyke." What does that have to do with anything? Is it because I am a better cyclist than he? Was that what he was angry about? Was his girlfriend really indignant? Did she insist that he chase me down and demand an apology? And, what would I be apologizing for? Riding around her? Last time I checked, the rules of the trail require slower riders to move to the right so that faster riders can go around. And, really, most trail etiquette has to do with respect for other users (hikers, equestrians. . .) and the trails, not with offering apologies for being a better rider than those you pass. In any event, I meant no harm to this woman or her chivalrous boyfriend.
Now I am considering whether I am an Exceptional Woman or a Stupid Fucking Dyke. Not really. I just think this whole thing is a bit ironic.